


Put On the Record, Dear

by lesbianswhopunchnazis



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: And an old record player, F/F, Feat. the attic, Hurt/Comfort, Jen is happy, Jen is mourning Ted, Just a friendly kiss on the lips, Oneshot, Season 1 when the grief was fresh, Soft Jen, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25044256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianswhopunchnazis/pseuds/lesbianswhopunchnazis
Summary: Jen and Judy dance in the attic.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 2
Kudos: 80





	Put On the Record, Dear

**Author's Note:**

> This series is owned by Liz Feldman and Netflix. I will take this down if the author requests!

It’s October and Jen is stuck deep in the attic between two towers of musky boxes searching for an old baby album of Ted’s that Lorna simply must have. “Within three business days at most, Jennifer,” Lorna had told her as she dabbed coffee stains away from the corners of her mouth. God, Jen hated her guts. 

She hasn’t been up in the attic in years, since long before Ted’s death. Up here in the dust are all the memories she’s buried. Jen tugs at an open box at the top of a pile where she thinks she’s spotted an old box of the cigars Ted bought on a business trip to Cuba. The smell of mold makes her sneeze violently and she accidentally bumps into one of the box-towers, which falls back on her heavily and knocks her to the floor under a pile of old baby blankets, karate trophies, and an abandoned kid electric keyboard. Jen sighs heavily. 

“Jen? Jen!” Jen hears Judy’s voice faintly calling out for her from two floors down. She must have just gotten home from work.

“Judy! I’m in the attic!” Jen yells. “I’m up here!”

Jen thinks Judy must not have heard her as she hears the muffled sounds of the boys’ laughter and Judy shuffling through the kitchen. Jen tries to swim her way out of all the junk, but as soon as she finds the floor again, another tower of boxes falls over with a crash and traps her in the corner of the room.

“Motherfucker!” Jen says to herself, limbs splayed in all directions.

“Jen!” Judy shouts again. “Are you okay? I heard a crash.” Judy patters up the stairs quickly and starts to scale the ladder to the attic. “Uh… Jen? Are you in the attic?”

When Judy gets to the landing, Jen peeks her head out over the pile. “Help.”

Judy spots Jen pinned between a lamp and a broken bike and she doubles over in laughter.

“Oh my god, Jen, I leave for two hours!”

“Yeah, two hours and everything falls apart. Will you help me out of here already?”

“Yeah, just a minute,” Judy promises, shaking with laughter. “I gotta get a good breath in.”

Jen rolls her eyes but sure enough, Judy is coming towards her to pull her out of the wreckage. Jen trips into her arms and tries to steady herself. Her heart goes bananas at Judy’s touch.  
“My hero,” she jokes, leaning back to look up at Judy. 

“Anytime, hot stuff.”

Jen straightens and clears her throat.

“So… I ran into Lorna today.”

“Oh?” Judy responds. She kneels down to pilfer through a box of old stuffed animals. Jen doesn’t miss it when Judy slips a small elephant and a winnie the pooh surreptitiously into her big dress pockets.

“Yeah. It was weird. She was sneezing and shit, and I’ve literally never seen the bitch sneeze before.”

Judy laughs. 

“But anyway, she comes up to me like, ‘Jennifer, I’d like you to return Ted’s old baby albums to me within three business days, please.’” Jen imitates Lorna’s nasally Yankee voice expertly. “And I really need her help negotiating this deal on a $100k house this week, so here we are.” Jen gestures around her at the attic.

Judy holds up a sock puppet she found and ventriloquizes, “don’t worry, Jenny, me and Judy will help.”

“Thank you, Mr. Calvin Klein,” Jen responds graciously.

And so they begin. 

Jen hates the attic. She hates the moths, the dust, the mold. Mostly she hates the memories made physical out of the everything she’s lost. But where Jen sees moths, Judy sees butterflies. Where Jen sees dust, Judy sees beauty in the 5pm light that hits it just right. Where Jen smells mold, Judy smells the spirit of the man who once loved the woman she loves now. Where Jen sees memories, Judy purveys every object with fresh, magic eyes. And so of course Judy easily forgets why they came to the attic in the first place and instead spends her time exploring Jen’s Life Before Judy through the strange material of items discarded.

“Hey! What’s this?” 

By now, Judy is wearing a top hat, giant sunglasses, Jen’s old Slytherin scarf, and a bunch of bangles reaching to her elbow that clink together constantly. In her lap she’s gathered up what looks like a wooden briefcase covered in dust.

Jen grins and plops herself down next to Judy. “Open it.”

Judy unlatches the box and gasps softly. It’s a 1966 Dansette record player, still shining like it’s only just been polished. Judy looks to Jen with wonder. 

“There has to be a box full of old albums somewhere around here, Ted was a total snob when it came to music— ah, here we go.”

Jen grabs a handful of records and spreads them all out on the floor for Judy to see. 

“Let’s see… we’ve got a little Prince, a little Aretha, a little bit of Dolly Parton,” Jen offers.

“Ooh, this one!” Judy points to an album cover with the side profile of a contemplative blonde woman. “My mom really liked Doris Day.”

“Doris it is,” Jen agrees, and pins the record to the player. Judy’s a little embarrassed that she has no idea how to work the device. She lived a transient existence as a kid, moving so much that her childhood is a blur of road trips now, the radio always humming the years by.

The record player begins to sing.

“Stars shining bright above you…”

“Come on!” Judy squeaks. She jumps up and pulls Jen up with her, giggling.

“Night breezes seem to whisper, ‘I love you…’”

Jen reluctantly lets herself be pulled into the dance. She leads. Obviously.

“Birds singing in the sycamore tree  
“Dream a little dream of me…”

Judy hums the tune into Jen’s hair. This feels nice. This feels right.

“Say nighty-night and kiss me…”  
The setting sun splashes a spray of light onto Judy’s cheeks and white swing dress. Jen thinks she is so in love she might explode. 

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me  
While I'm alone and blue as can be  
Dream a little dream of me  
Stars fading, but I linger on, dear  
Still craving your kiss  
I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear  
Just saying this  
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you  
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you  
But in your dreams whatever they be  
Dream a little dream of me

At this, Judy feels Jen tense underneath her. She hears Jen sniffle quietly, and shake gently in her arms. Tears fall to Judy’s shoulder.

“Hey…” Judy tries to pull back to see Jen’s face, but Jen keeps her pressed tight to her, still swaying. 

“Just— just— give me a minute, Judy, okay?” Jen’s voice breaks.

“Okay.”

When Judy runs her hand over Jen’s hair and kisses the side of her head, Jen begins to sob. 

“Shhh,” Judy whispers into her ear. “You’re okay, Jen, you’re with me, I love you.”

Judy holds Jen’s arms as she sinks to the floor. Jen buries herself into Judy’s shoulder and Judy leans into Jen’s forehead. She rubs small circles into Jen’s back. 

Soon, Jen pulls away and folds her arms over her chest. She looks at Judy.

“I— I’m happy,” she chokes out.

“That’s great! I’m happy you’re happy!” Judy says. “But damn, Jen, if this is what you look like when you’re happy—”

Jen laughs and pinches her nose. 

“No, Judy, I just— I don’t know how to do this anymore. God, Ted is buried in a hole somewhere, the kids are distraught, Lorna is clinically depressed, and I’m dancing in the attic?”

Judy watches Jen closely. 

“I just— I don’t know how to walk around without this deep dark hole inside me threatening to eat everything. Let alone if I even deserve to.”

Judy kisses Jen’s forehead. Leans back. Kisses her cheek. Leans back. Kisses her lips. Holds her hand.

“How about we figure it out together?”

Jen nods slowly, and smirks.

“Come on. There’s a wine bottle downstairs with your name on it.” Judy pulls Jen up to her feet and walks with her to the ladder down. 

“Oh, and Jen?” 

“Yeah?”

“You deserve, like, fucking everything.”

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you  
Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you  
But in your dreams whatever they be  
Dream a little dream of me


End file.
